If we start with the goal in mind, the elementary school-age child should develop the traits and skills of instrumental competence (Baumrind). The psychological, social, intellectual, and physical development of the child is fulfilled in a young teen who exhibits:
Social Responsibility
Behavior that is friendly to peers and cooperative to adults
Independence
Behavior that is assertive, purposeful, and self-directing
Acheivement Orientation
Seeking intellectual challenge and able to problem solve
Vitality
Physical energy and vigorous appearance
Because of the comprehensive research on child rearing by Diana Baumrind, we now know the parenting strategy to achieve this happy state for our child. The cluster of parenting practices of authoritative parenting are most likely to result in the child's development of instrumental competence.
The Four Dimensions of Authoritative Parenting
Control
Firm, fair, and consistent discipline to shape the child's behavior according to parental standards
Clarity of Parent-Child Communication
Actively listen and consider the child's opinions and feelings about family decisions; verbal expression of the reasons for instructions, consequences, and punishment when it occurs
Maturity Demands
Parental expectation or encouragement to perform well in the intellectual, social, or emotional sphere
Nurturance
Warmth; attention to the child's needs and well-being; pleasure in the child's accomplishments
We can't always be perfect parents; and it's unlikely our children will be perfect either. But, if we let the four dimensions of authoritative parenting guide us, our child has the best chance of growing through the elementary years to become a responsible, independent, successful, and positive teenager.
Note
First published in 1967, Baumrind's classification of parenting styles has influenced theories and research in developmental psychology for forty years. Baumrind and others have expanded the parenting style research to identify cultural differences, genetic influences, parent-child interaction styles, and developmental outcomes. Today, the evidence is even stronger that the authoritative parenting cluster is the most effective parenting strategy for family harmony and positive child development.
Baumrind (1971) Current patterns of parental authority. Developmental Psychology Monograph
