You may not be states or countries away, but an extended workday also requires thoughtfulness. Use available time to the fullest. A meal, a game or one-on-one conversation can help your child deal with your absences. To compensate for your long day, try:
- Before you rush off to work, eat breakfast with your child. During this time you can make sure he has all of the necessary things for the day. If you are together at breakfast, your absence at dinner may be better tolerated.
- Whenever you can, arrive home half an hour or so earlier than usual to play outside before dark with your child
- Be sure your family eats together at least twice a week-or more.
- Select a game and play it regularly; when appropriate keep an ongoing score. For younger children promise a game of Chutes and Ladders or Candy Land; for older children Monopoly, basketball or Scrabble. Leave game boards or puzzles set up for the next round or to add puzzle pieces before or after dinner.
- Now and then if you can, go into the office late so you can take your child to school.
- Do not miss back-to-school night. If you go to work before your child is up, leave a note telling him how much you enjoyed visiting his classroom.
- When your child least expects it, take him to the store and buy something he's been longing to own.
- Use chauffeuring time wisely: Talk with your child instead of listening to the radio. Cook something together at least once a month-pancakes, cookies, muffins-recipes that call for simple preparation so your children can help.
- Remember that you don't always have to be doing something with your children. Your just being home and in the same room is often enough.
Some of these ideas may seem obvious-others will be new to your family. Select the ones that work best for you. Although you are trying to please your children who see less of you than you would like, these suggestions will make your life less stressful and reduce some of the guilt you may have. For the long haul, it is the little things that get etched into children's minds and are long remembered.
For more ideas on building bonds with your children, see Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day. Or visit Susan at her website: http://www.susannewmanphd.com/
Social psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D. teaches at Rutgers University in New Jersey, and is the author of thirteen books, including the popular Little Things Mean a Lot: Creating Happy Memories with Your Grandchildren, Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only, and most recently Nobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship With Your Mother and Father. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and available for workshops on parenting and family relations issues.
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