Give Him His Own Space: Children need to feel that there are things that 'are mine' at home. His own room at your house is important. Let him help pick out the decor to increase the feeling of ownership.
Keep All of Her Necessities at Both Houses: Don't make it necessary for her to bring a suitcase of clothes, toys, and toiletries when she comes. The routine will flow smoother if you always have what she needs at your house, even if that means duplication of some items.
Build Routines and Be Flexible: Yes, the balancing act gets even trickier when you are co-parenting. Use visual schedules and informal family meetings to plan your weeks and communicate responsibilities. Have both daily routines and weekly rituals to emphasize structure and stability. At the same time, be flexible when your child's schedule conflicts with yours; listen to his needs and work it out.
Understand That Transitions Are Tough: Children need routines and living in two homes makes that difficult. Crying, irritability, and problem behaviors are manifestations of the stress of frequent transitions between homes. Do everything you can to minimize that stress.
Only Say Good Things About Her Other Parent: Divided loyalties are terribly painful for a child. It's enough that your child knows that you and your ex can no longer be married. She doesn't need to know the ongoing details of your complaints about her other parent.
Stay Connected to His School and Other Activities: Ask the teacher to send duplicates of all correspondence and announcements to you. It's common for the school-home relationship to become confusing when the child has two homes. Explain to the teacher early in the year and keep in touch with the school regularly.
Don't Ignore Her Life Before the Divorce: Keep family pictures from her 'entire life' and even make duplicates if your ex has the pictures. It's OK to talk about the things you did before the divorce, even if it makes you feel a bit sad and guilty. Just focus on the blessings and good times of her life then and now.
Celebrate Each Visit: Many parents make a point of serving a favorite meal or going out for a treat when their child comes to visit. It doesn't hurt to let your child know that you treasure your time together and want it to be fun. Don't fall into the trap of spoiling him or doing things from a sense of guilt; just enjoy a fun ritual that marks the time when your child comes home to you.
Show That You Accept and Care About Her Life with Her Other Parent: Be enthusiastic when she has a fun experience away from you. Let her share pictures and talk freely about it without feeling that you might be hurt or angry.
Don't Wait for Problems to Seek Help and Support: Make family counseling a natural and ongoing part of your life. Intensive sessions during the divorce can become periodic check-ins with your therapist or support group to give your child an outlet for unhappy feelings and help you all resolve problems early.
