Imagine a circle around the parents and another around the children in your family. How do power and communication flow between these two circles? The boundary between the parent circle and the child circle in a family can be both too porous or loose or too rigid and inflexible.
When boundaries are too loose in a family, the children have inappropriate power and control. This is often a family in chaos. The children call the shots, but deep down they are terrified of the power they hold over their parents. Even when the children are not exhibiting serious behavior problems, loose boundaries are seen in parent-child relationships that place too much of the adult world in the child's hands.
When boundaries between parents and children are too rigid, all of the power and control lies within the parent circle. Not only is 'no back talk' the rule, no real communication takes place between the two circles. In a family with too rigid boundaries, children often move into an adolescence of withdrawal or extreme rebellion.
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