Adapted from The Book of No: 250 Ways to Say It—and Mean It—and Stop People-Pleasing Forever by Susan Newman, Ph.D.
Children say it without embarrassment, and they say it over and over. It’s one of the smallest words in the dictionary, yet can be the hardest for adults to say out loud. “NO:” We think of it as negative, having all kinds of harmful ramifications, a word you want to avoid because it sets your guilt meter running especially where your children are concerned. You don’t want to disappoint them or make them unhappy.
In the best interests of your family, you automatically agree to every favor, request or demand without taking your needs, schedule or other commitments into consideration. As a result, saying “yes” has become a habit that leaves you under-rested, overwhelmed and deeply entrenched in a pattern you probably want to—and can— break.
Are You a Yes-Mom?
If three of these sounds vaguely like you, it’s likely that your children turn you into a yes-person quite easily. It’s time to take stock and learn how to say no.
- Your living room looks like a toy store.
- At any given hour the couch doubles as a trampoline, a wrestling mat, a hiding place or arts and crafts center.
- Your child wears his Halloween costume to school in February.
- You’re on a first-name basis with the workers at McDonald’s.
- Your child has everything her best friend has.
- Your six-year-old stays up so late that he can fill you in on Jay Leno’s monologue from the night before.
- Your daughter’s last birthday party was more elaborate than your wedding.
- You have three dogs, two kittens, and a parakeet who all hang out around the fish tank.
- You spend most Saturday evenings in the movie theatre parking lot waiting for your children and their friends.
- You spend Sunday evenings writing history reports and crafting science projects you found out about during dinner.
- The text messaging charges are bigger than your monthly cell phone fee.
- Your child’s band equipment takes up both parking spaces in the garage.
Next > Say What You Mean, Park Your Guilt
Susan Newman, Ph.D., is a social psychologist and author of The Book of NO (McGraw-Hill, Dec. 2005), Parenting an Only Child, The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only (Broadway/Doubleday), and Little Things Long Remembered: Making Your Children Feel Special Every Day (Random House/Crown), among others. See: www.susannewmanphd.com
