Most of us feel as if the entire day flies by without a moment to catch our breaths. Although parents usually follow a bedtime ritual with their young children, it, too, is often cut short or rushed. But reserving that time and making it sacred reaps both immediate and long-term rewards for you and your child.
The rituals below allow you to learn what your child is thinking and build a bond and intimacy difficult to develop during the hectic day. If your child doesn't catch on at first, be patient. Try again the next night and soon one or two of these will become a cozy, welcomed routine.
Remember when...
Tell stories of funny things your child did when she was a baby, too young to remember. Children delight in being the central focus of stories and what is unique to one child separates him from his siblings and helps to define him. Children love repetition so it's unlikely you'll be at a loss for ideas.
Relate silly or memorable things that happened on family vacations or during family get-togethers. Some undoubtedly will become family lore like the visit we had from a squirrel that ran across the dining room floor during Thanksgiving dinner and the human chase that followed. Years later, the children, now teens and young adults, ask if we're inviting a guest squirrel to dinner this year.
Best and worst part of your day...
Within this bedtime ritual parents have time to praise the good things a child reports as well as help her with decision-making and problem solving related to bad things she may have encountered-a toy broken by a friend, a lost sweater, or the demise of a goldfish. If you start this ritual when children are young, they are more likely to express their feelings and be willing to ask for your help you when they are older and bedtime rituals are a thing of the past.
When I grow up I want to be...
A preschooler will want to be a rabbit, a giraffe, or a clown one night, a firefighter or police officer the next. Ask you child what she would do if she were a monkey, for example, and discover her fantasies. With older children you have the chance to explore and explain endless career possibilities. Every night will be an eye-opening peak into your child's mind.
Once upon a time...
Make up a story with parent offering the first line and making your child the hero or heroine, always. Be sure to include his friends in the story. Run the story over several nights or begin a new one each night.
Social psychologist Susan Newman, Ph.D. specializes in issues that affect family life. She teaches at Rutgers University in New Jersey, and is the author of thirteen books, including the popular, Little Things Mean A Lot: Creating Happy Memories with Your Grandchildren, Parenting an Only Child: The Joys and Challenges of Raising Your One and Only, and most recently, The Book of NO: 250 Ways to Say It--and Mean It and Stop People-pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, Dec. 2005), and Nobody's Baby Now: Reinventing Your Adult Relationship with Your Mother and Father. She is a member of the American Psychological Association and available for workshops on parenting and family relations issues. For more information on Susan and her work visit her website: http://www.susannewmanphd.com/
