Can sympathy be a bad thing? When our child hurts, don't we hurt with them? Isn't that what a good parent does? Sympathy may be the natural response of a caring parent, but it can be a parenting trap.
Sympathy means sharing the feelings of another person; but, when we feel the same thing our child is feeling, we lose something. We lose our perspective as adults. When our child is upset or hurting emotionally, he needs a parent, not another child.
Think about the ways sympathy with our children gets us in trouble and leads to teaching the wrong lessons about coping with emotions.
A child who is angry at his coach because he didn't get enough playing time in a game; and the parent, who in sympathy with the child's anger, insults the coach and calls to demand that he play the child or resign.
A child who is not invited to a slumber party; and the parent, who in sympathy with the child's rejection, gossips about the other family and finds a way to purposely exclude them at the next opportunity.
Are those the lessons we want our children to learn about how to respond when they feel angry or rejected or sad?
