More of this Feature • Part 1: The Nature of Crisis • Part 2: The Process of Change • Part 3: Steps Parents Can Take • Part 4: Sources for this Article

Join the Discussion "I live in NY City, and I watched the towers as they burned and eventually collapsed from a balcony at my job. It was horrifying, and I thank God my son was in school in Queens." Abbycat2

Related Resources • Helping Your Child Cope with Stress and Trauma • Inspiration for Parents • Parents and Depression

I said that a family crisis might be a blessing in disguise, didn't I? It's true. The Chinese character for the word "crisis" means both "danger" and "opportunity". It is during crisis situations that we can grow and change, integrating new skills and coping strategies into our life as we close the door on an impossible situation and move through the door that leads to a new stage of our life. You can expect the crisis to follow a certain pattern with denial and resistance to change being the fuzzy first step. In one sense it is similar to the first stage of the grieving process. "This can't be happening," may be your first thought. During this phase you will find yourself frantically trying to apply familiar solutions to the problem, but they just don't work anymore. This leads to the phase of disorganization. Confusion, despair, helplessness, and hopelessness take over and you experience a sense of being stuck without options. Emotional support and counseling are most effective at this stage because you need to express the strong emotions so that rational thinking can come forward again. Use this "wilderness" time to reflect on your strengths, values, dreams, and goals. With my clients in crises, I use the "Dream Book." All you need is a notebook to write down what you want in your life, the obstacles to having those things, and an action plan to move forward with small steps to overcome those obstacles. Peter McWilliams describes this process beautifully in his very practical book Do It: Let's Get Off Our Buts. Thanks to Peter for his tremendous contribution by putting the book online where you can follow these steps out of your own personal wilderness.

As you move forward with your action plan you will begin to feel a sense of renewal and hope. Small successes in your new life will beget larger successes and soon you will feel a welcome sense of accomplishment and competence as you realize that you have grown through a difficult transition to a new way of living.

View the Stages of Healing - 1. Denial. 2. Blame/Helplessness. 3. Waiting. 4. Working on the Problem. 5. Resolving. From an excerpt of the book Be Your Own Therapist: Psychology Self-Help.

Identifying Your Values - Psychological Self-Help, Chapter 3, by Clayton E. Tucker-Ladd at Mental Health Net.

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