I'd talk to the teacher first and ask if they notice a problem or can observe to see what is going on, before I resorted to calling parents. I also believe that sometimes children need to handle issues themselves if it is not life threating or anything more than childs play.

Starting point to help your son is the next time he wishes to play with the boys invite them inside to play. Watch the interaction between the three. If they decline to come inside, go out...water the grass...pull some weeds, watch them together!

What I am planning to do is stay as involved as I can. I stay mouthy with the school when it comes to bullies and treating people unfairly. What I also do is explain to him that people can be really cruel and not to take anything to heart. The trouble is if a child makes a first impression to others that isn't " cool" it seems to stay with him through the years. One thing that really helped is I put my son in Karate. They learn a lot about stress management and they also learn self defence.

I feel it is important to encourage them to stick it out and not quit. There were times where my son wouldn't want to go to band but we made him go. One book that I found helpful was "Taking the Bully by the Horns" by Kathy Noll. It is written for kids and tells them that the bully is the guy with the problem and that is why he/she bullies others. It give you strategies on handling certain situations. I read it and had my son read it and then we went over some concepts... like in this situation do this. He is much better now. I worry about High School though but we'll have to see how it goes when we get there. Good Luck and don't dispair.

I encourage you to find and area he can excel in out of school hours. My son is nearly 9 and is in a similar circumstance- he has taken very well to drama as this uses his reading and public speaking ability.

Some techniques that helped my son are- if excluded he always takes a good book to school as backup lunchtime entertainment, he knows he can join in with his younger sister who plays in a mixed sex group. To rebut teasing simple thing are worth a try- and I know it sounds sort of odd but role play them with your son-- you play the teaser- he rebuts- then he plays the teaser and you rebut. Have a few good phrases he can reuse often: for example "Is that the best you can think of?", or "Tell me when you get to the funny bit". I discourage my children from teasing the child's physical and mental attributes, but to tease the teasing seems to work.

Perhaps a new school where his less sporty abilities will be valued might be an option? It certainly worked for me. Or even an out of area highschool as the light at the end of the tunnel. Constant exclusion can really lower self esteem, and if he's anything like my son he is a gentle and caring lad, with a passion for technology- there are schools out there which value intelligence!

My son was made fun of he is 9 and a little over weight and I mean just a little but that is all the kids needed at his new school. I know that I am going to hear alot from parents that dont agree but his self esteem was so low he wondered why he even here. I racked my brain on how to help him through this. I came up with one solution that I could think of and this is where people are going to scream at me but I took my child to Hooters... We made it a family outing my fiance went and my own mother went. He had the best time and I even bought him a shirt that said Hooter girls love me.... When we went to leave I told the waitress what was going on in my sons life and she just couldnt believe it and she ran out to the parking lot and hugged my son and kissed him on the cheek and told him what a great kid he was. ( he decided the tip ) he loved it and when he wore the shirt to school the next day and told all the kids he was kissed by a very pretty girl lets just say it worked.... No more self esteem problems. He still ever so often gets made fun of but all I do is take out the shirt and he just smiles.. good luck to you.

My son is the same age and has similiar problems but not as extreme. We encourage him to have and develop his own interests (Leggo Mindstorms, computer programming, individual sports like Track and Tennis) Perhaps he should be tested for giftedness by your local school since this may be what the other kids sense is his different-ness that sets him apart. He needs a best friend at this age-look everywhere-even at different age levels. A best friend makes up for a thousand casual friends. Ask the teachers at school if any other boy his age or a year younger or older also seems in the same boat. A dog is also a great pal and someone to confide in. All these work for me. I think these help my son cope. He is not popular with the kids his own age(11 and 1/2) but he is a hero to every 6 year old in town because he is so kind and he has a few buddies his age and a little older too. Love him alot of course!

I have no answers yet, but we did remind him that he can silenly ask God for help throughout the day when he feels badly...ask him simply "God, give me strenth", or wisdom or whatever he feels he needs for a situation. I also plan to make an appt. for Ben and I to both meet with the 6th grade counselor to see if she can give us some practical tips on how to best get through this...don't you wish you could take all the hurt for him? Someone mentioned that they need to "buck-up"...that is true and part of the solution, but only a small part...my son's nature is that of a caring, sensitive child, he'll never be a "macho" kid, but that person is right, he will need to grow a thicker skin to get by in this cruel life.

I am in no way a mother. Actually, I just got out of middle school four years ago, so I know what your son is going through. You said your situation was an unusual one. But it's not! Believe me, it happens to all boys at that age, even the ones on the higher rungs of the social ladder. It's a rite of passage (better to be teased now instead of when he is trying to impress all the girls!). There is nothing you can do to stop it, even if you feel he is being singled out.

It sounds like you have a very sensitive son, and you want to shelter him as long as you can, but know you can't do it 24-7. He needs to learn to suck it up (I hate to say that, but he will never survive 7th grade if he doesn't). Just let him be, and gently push him in the direction of others like him (which there are, I don't care how into sports your school is).

I am sorry to be so blunt, I really am, but ya'll will have to hear it somewhere! Middle schoolers are some of the meanest people on the face of the Earth. But they are also the most adaptable, especially to harsh situations. You son probably thinks less of it than you do, so don't worry. Although the worst is yet to come, the best is too. High schoolers are angels compared to the demons that midddle schoolers are. He should find PLENTY of friends there. In the mean time though, take care!

How to deal with a bully depends in large part on your kid. My son told me he (and some other kids)were getting punched by a bully.

My questions:
Is he bigger than you? No.
Is he stronger? No
Is he faster? No
me - blank stare -- okay ......

We talked some more and I told him that if a bully said he was going to hit or kick my son to say "Okay, but I'm going to hit you back" And then I gave taught him how to block and how to grapple and hold the other kid until the teacher came to break it up.

I also told him that it was okay to 'fight mean' if a bully is hitting you.

I talked to the teacher about it. And she was okay with this approach. She knew about the bullying and was dealing with it separately.

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