From Kimberly L. Keith,
Your Guide to Parenting of K-6 Children.
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Self-esteem has become one of those buzzwords. Like good communication, we hear from all the experts how important it is, but no one tells us exactly how to achieve it. In this series, we will explore in practical, concrete ways how to build your child's self-esteem.

The best advice I have found for building children's self-esteem comes from two prominent researchers in the field, Harris Clemes and Reynold Bean. In their 1981 classic book, Self-Esteem: The Key to Your Child's Well-Being, they define the four conditions of self-esteem in children:

• A Sense of CONNECTIVENESS
• A Sense of UNIQUENESS
• A Sense of POWER
• A Sense of MODELS

This week we will explore Clemes and Bean's recommendations for building your child's sense of CONNECTIVENESS:

To Develop a Sense of CONNECTIVENESS
Children Need to Feel:

• Connected to a heritage, both cultural and family
• They belong to and are special to someone
• Something special belongs to them
• Their family and peer connections are held in high esteem by others
• They are important to others
• Connected to their own bodies
• Related to others, part of a group
• Part of something of value

How to Build Your Child's Sense of Connectiveness

• Touch and hold your child.
• Make sure that your facial expression, posture, and words fit together.
• Tell your child that he is important to you, that you love him.
• Praise her honestly, both her actions and her personality
• Communicate your feelings to your child so he doesn't have to guess.
• Listen non-judgmentally.
• Do special things for your child.
• Share your activities with your child.
• Be gentle with shy children.

More of this Feature

Building Your Child's Sense of Uniqueness

Building Your Child's Sense of Power

Building Your Child's Sense of Models