Around age four, children develop the ability to perceive the parents as persons separate from themselves. The need for close proximity and physical contact is not as constant, though it is still very important. Instead, the child feels a sense of attachment from the shared goals and plans of his family. The parent takes on an organizing role, setting up situations where the child can function well. More demands are made on the child and he must begin to respect his parents' needs also. [Maccoby, Eleanor Social Development "Why Attachment Grows Less Intense"].
Maccoby describes the requirements for secure attachment in older children as "1) a good level of communication, so that each knows a good deal about the other's plans and movements, and 2) mutual trust, so that each can count on the other person doing what is expected. Furthermore, the child must trust the mother's affection and good will, believing that she will act to protect the child's own interests at all times."
