First, look at the situation from a broad view. Ask yourself, What are the stressors on our family life? What developmental stage is my child navigating? What are his strengths and what does he still need to learn?
Then, narrow your focus to the the specific behaviors that concern you. Keep a simple log. You may print this behavior chart or create your own using your word processing software. Start by rating her overall range of behaviors each day for a week. Note any incidence of the specific behavior problem. What time of day did it occur? At home or at school? (If the problem occurs at school, enlist her teacher's help in keeping a behavior log to be mailed to you each week.) What emotions is she expressing when this behavior occurs? What happened in her environment just prior to, during, and after the incident? What people are present when the behavior occurs and particularly, how are the adults responding? What are the reasons behind her misbehavior?