- Expecting your child to do things that are beyond his developmental capability
- Lack of empathy for your child's feelings and needs; ignoring your child to avoid spoiling her
- Emphasizing physical punishment to maintain parental authority and control your child's behavior
- Looking to your child to meet your own needs for happiness
- Discouraging your child's attempts at independence and personal power (Steven J. Bavolek, Nurturing Parenting)
Parents who physically or emotionally abuse their children are most often acting upon beliefs and experiences from their own childhood. Most would change the atmosphere and life of their own family if they only knew how. If you recognize yourself in the features of abusing parents above, you can take steps to break from the cycle of child abuse to a healthier parenting style and happier family life.
Parenting Strategies to Break the Cycle of Child Abuse
Educate yourself about normal child development to have more realistic expectations for your child. Recognize that child development goes in spurts. It takes time for a child to learn new behaviors and practice them consistently.
Try to identify the feelings that your child is expressing through her words and actions. Remain calm when your child is upset. Treat your child as you would your best friend, with respect and love.
Discontinue physical punishment, and replace it with more effective behavior management strategies. You know the truth of abusive physical punishment; it harms your child's healthy development and destroys the parent-child relationship. Discipline with dignity, on the other hand, teaches your child to respect authority and to develop self-control.
Strengthen your adult relationships. Seek confidential counseling to begin to change your patterns of intimacy with other adults. The outcome will be greater satisfaction in your personal life and improved relationships with your kids.
Encourage your child's attempts at independence. Listen to her opinions and take her feelings into account when making decisions. Give your child opportunities to make choices throughout childhood. In doing so, you help her develop a sense of self and the basis for a healthy personality.