Stranger Danger: The Gruesome Murder of a NYC Boy Shocks Neighbors, Shakes Parents

Yesterday, I woke up to the news that authorities had discovered the remains of an almost 9-year-old boy named Leiby Kletzky, who had been missing since Monday. His parents had become frantic and raised an alarm when Leiby, who had been allowed for the first time to walk by himself from his day camp, failed to meet his mother, who was waiting for him only a few blocks away. As his parents waited with what must have been a dread that I, as a parent, am too afraid to even imagine, Leiby was brutally murdered in a way that shows that evil is all too alive and well in our midst.

When my son saw me crying, I had to explain to him what I'd read in the news: A young boy had been taken and murdered by a very sick man. He was a neighbor but he didn't know the family and was a stranger. He was a part of their community (he is Jewish, like Leiby and his family, though he was not of their sect). He was probably an ordinary-looking person, who may have even looked friendly.

I omitted the gory details (police found part of the child's body in the refrigerator of the suspect and other parts in a dumpster, less than 20 blocks from where we live). But I emphasized again to my child the basics of what he would need to do if we ever become separated: Find a woman with a child or a baby and ask her for help. (This is a tip I learned from a excellent video called The Safe Side by John Walsh of America's Most Wanted, who himself experienced the horrific abduction and murder of his own child, Adam Walsh, when Adam was 6). And if someone ever makes him feel uncomfortable or asks him to keep a secret, or asks him to go with him somewhere without me or his dad or another designated caregiver -- even if that person is someone he "kinda knows" -- then he is to say no loudly and run.

My son is 10 now. It's a tricky age, when kids are seeking more freedom to do things by themselves but may not yet be ready to handle all the dangers and unforeseeable twists that may come their way. There are some things that I encourage (such as making breakfast, cleaning the floors, and putting away dishes and laundry). And there are things that I am going to wait on, such as walking by himself to school or other places, until he's older and bigger, and better equipped to fight off anyone with bad intentions.

Some parents may say that I am being overprotective or "helicoptering." I think each family needs to weigh their own child's abilities and their situations. Some may feel that their child is ready at age 10 or even earlier while others want to wait a bit longer. But as Leiby's tragic story illustrates, sometimes a safe neighborhood, such as the one that Leiby lived in, is no protection. And while it's true that sick and twisted people such as Leiby's murderer do not lurk in every corner, it's also true that predators do not wear signs that warn people of who they are. They can be a friendly neighbor. They can be someone's husband or father. They can be a community leader or someone known to the child.

I am still numb from the senseless violence and madness that ended the life of this little child whose life was so unfairly snatched from him and whose family must now live with the gaping wound left by his murder for the rest of their lives. I have the urge to keep my son by my side and not let him go off by himself until he's college-bound (and maybe not even then). I wouldn't do that of course -- a child needs to be free to go off and find his or her own life. My son will go off on his adventures in the next couple of years, and will continue to take on more responsibilities. But in the meantime, I am going to make sure he knows how to protect himself and fight back if something does not feel right.

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