Should You Interfere When You Think a Parent is Going over the Line?
Recently, actress Liv Tyler reportedly intervened when she saw a woman who was allegedly hitting and yelling at a toddler in a stroller. Most people I know have faced some type of situation where they’ve considered saying something to a parent or caregiver who is being, say, a bit overzealous in his or her discipline of a child or seems otherwise to be crossing a line into what most might call bad parenting.
It’s often a tricky call to make. For one thing, who’s to say what makes a bad parent? People have different styles and ideas when it comes to almost every aspect of parenting, including discipline. One parent might consider allowing sugary snacks tantamount to child abuse while another might say it's okay to let kids have a little junk food and soda. Some people don’t believe it’s a good idea to ever raise one’s voice to a child while others might say occasional spankings are a perfectly acceptable form of discipline.
I, for one, have certainly yelled at my child. It’s a rare occurrence, but I wonder what someone would have thought if they’d caught me in that moment of frustration. On the other hand, I’m a firm believer that no problem with a child should ever, ever, be solved with corporal punishment.
Knowing I’m human and perfectly capable of losing my temper has certainly made me think twice before judging another frustrated parent. But what would I do if I ever saw someone hitting a child? I think I would step in and maybe ask that parent if I could help in some way. I’m still haunted by the fact that I didn’t do anything once when I saw a mom bring a very small child into a violent movie and then scold him when he became frightened and cried.
Have you ever faced a situation where you felt you should step in? What did you do? Do you ever think it’s okay to intervene when a parent or caregiver does something you think crosses the line with a child?
Comments
Many people believe they should mind their own business. However, cruelty or abuse of animals and children is everyone’s business. Children and animals are not property, they are individuals with a vested interest in being respected. And they cannot advocate for themselves in the face of adult human behavior.
I agree with Molly, children need an advocate to speek for them. They can not always defend themselves or even know that what they are experiencing needs defending. Sometimes even the smallest, kind comment can go a long way. Such as ” I’ll pray for you that God will protect your child while you are going thru this difficult time.”
As a child and family therapist employed with a Child Protection Agency, I can say it is definitely everyone’s responsibility to protect our children. Most people are unaware of what we would call a “duty to report”, appropriate when we witness a person mistreating (even if we suspect maltreatment) his/her children.
Laws aside though, think of it this way….If a person seems unphased treating his/her child inappropriately in public, imagine what that same parent might be doing when out of the public eye. I have seen far too many children damaged, some permanently, due to abuse/maltreatment, both physically and psychologically/emotionally. Abuse is traumatic and scars.
Children are innocent and there are far more appropriate ways to teach them proper behaviour than to hurt them. Please…for the sake of our children….our future….always always always step in when you believe a child is being mistreated. That child will thank you with his/her heart…one of the thing I’ve been asked by abused children is “if they saw it…how come nobody did anything?” …We love this quote at our agency: “It takes an entire village to raise a child.”
I wish more people would physically discipline their children. The children would probably behave better. If some nosy people were to involve themselves in the discipline of my children, I would become quite rude. I have been tempted to say something when I’ve seen the parents of horrible little brats talk nicely to the child, and refuse to discipline the child, or control the child’s behavior. But I keep my mouth shut – if someone chooses to raise their children as obnoxious spoiled brats, who am I to interfere?
Jenni, I am certain that none of us who responded approve of ill behavior. But I am convinced that physical punishment is not the solution. It may frighten a child to conform at the scene, but in the long run, denigrating punishment builds up anger and resentment which often culminates in abusive adults. And it also does not help children to understand the natural consequences of their behavior; therefore, they are not really LEARNING. Besides, children who receive physical punishment are NOT better behaved!